Laymans guide suicide chapter 8b

Heaven (and what to expect)

Everyone has a different concept of Heaven, but no matter how you look at it,
it sure beats Hell!

Heaven is possibly a place above the clouds where your favorite TV show is always on and the meat loaf is always seasoned just right.

Every day is heavenly and well, you get the picture. The problem is, if you proceed with your intended plans, you’re not going!

Here are a few things you may miss by skipping Heaven:

Free healthcare
No credit limits
Free day care
Swimsuit contests (daily)
Cloud life
Flying angels (real ones!)
Mellow harp music
Smiling people
Friends with boats
Bibles
Light
Toilet paper (the soft kind)
Free cable (with free PPV)
Concerts in the park
Vacations to Earth
Halos
Clean sheets
Community events
Free Yellow Pages ads
Free Directory Assistance
Free medical (w/ 100% dental)
Free parking
Maid service (daily)
Pleasant climate
Nothing hellish
Five-star service, no tipping
Plush carpet
No chores
Beautiful views
Meeting biblical figures
Crowd-pleasing entertainment
Upgraded services
VIP lounge
Free luxury transportation
Fine dining
Major acts
More…

Scroll to Top