Laymans guide to suicide chapter 28D

Cooking with clean burning natural gas

People have been sticking their heads in ovens ever since the advent of natural gas. Although the fumes alone can kill, if you’ve got gas (propane or natiral) and can strike a match, you’ve got the winning combination!

Even if you don’t cook, you will.

To get started, shut, tape, and seal all the windows and doors in your kitchen.

Preheat your oven as you would to broil a steak, but snuff out the pilot light and leave the door open.

And don’t forget to turn on all stove burners to high.

FOR SAFETY MAKE SURE NO OPEN FLAMES ARE PRESENT.

Leave the kitchen, tell your neighbors that there’s a gas leak and they should evacuate the area.

Wait 30 minutes (to allow them to gather their belongings), and then return.

Pull up a stool and, wearing goggles, a swim mask, or dark glasses (to avoid eye injury), peer directly into the oven. Then, without hesitation, pull out your favorite matchbook and strike.

TIP—Don’t breathe, the fumes can be hazardous. Take good care in your choice of wardrobe and be especially aware of flammable fabrics like some polyester blends. Questions on attire?

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