A humorous online book.
For entertainment purposes only.


1.   Nothing is Worse...
2.   This Book Belonged To...
3.   Preface
4.   Introduction
5.   Getting Started
6.   What are you going for?
7.   People and things to die for.
8.   Where You Go When You Go?
8a. Hell (and what to expect)
8b. Heaven (and what to expect)
8c. Reincarnation (downside)

9.   Etiquette
10. Rules of Etiquette
11. Fun 'Event' Invitations
12. Financing upgraded Services
13. Fashion (related to technique)
14. Fashion Accessories
15. Fashion Faux Pas
16. Make-Up Tips (male/female)
17. Dictating Guest & Theme Attire
18. Suicide Notes & Writing Tips
19. Suicide Note (Fill-in-the blanks)
20. Your Epitaph (Eye Catchers)
21. Will Power (yours)
22. Last Will & Testament
23. Will - Fun Stuff to Bequeath
24. Will - Creative Stipulations
25. Things you should have done
26. Your Eulogy
27. Ratings Guide to Techniques
28. Techniques (Advanced)
28a. Techniques Ratings Guide
28b. Taking the Train
28c. It's Auto-matic!
28d. Cooking with Gas
28e. Speed Kills
28f. Lightning (powerful stuff)

29. Quickies For The Poor
29a. Jay Walking
29b. For the Mountain Bike Enthusiast
29c. Freeway Skateboarding
29d. No car but have a motorcycle?
29e. Razor Blades (with practice blade)
29f. Sportsman's Special
29g. Cooking for Pacemaker Patients
29h. Dry Land Cliff Diving
29i. Jumping for Joy (and others)
29j. Going with the Wind

30. Making Your Arrangements
30a. A Wake (or Not)
30b. Location, Location, Location!
30c. Grave Marker, Head Stone, Tomb?
30d. The Ride to the Cemetery
30e. Grave Site Decorations & Souvenirs
30f.  Plot Music, Audio, Special Effects

31. If You Fail...
32. The Obituary (yours)
33. Terminology
34. Taking others with you
35. Parting words to live by
36. The Sequel

Having a bad day, week, year, decade, or entire life?

This is the only Handbook that covers it all from finding a reason (as if there aren't enough), to proper etiquette, fashion, accessories, advanced techniques rated by media potential and spectator value, even low-budget 'quickies for the poor'.

Like the original book, the online version is a 'quick read' written in simple language, enabling even the most confused and/or distraught to follow along with ease!

The Layman's Guide to Suicide is the last self-help book you'll ever need (unless you skim). No matter what state you're in (or Country for that matter), you'll find this online book absolutely indispensable when making your final plans. Reading will give you a little extra time to rethink your plans, however, if you are heading out, at least you'll get it right - one last time.

Click on the chapters to the left. Have fun!

You can also start here:
Nothing is Worse...

Note: This book is being edited and will be available online in its entirety soon.

Here's what people are saying about this book:

"Thank you for publishing this book online, for free. I myself have thought of suicide many times. (Many, many, many, many... too many times to count; I still haven't done the act!) Your book showed me a humorous side to this sordid topic. Thank you very much. It's helping me trudge on...this miserable, wayward path."

Contact us with your thoughts... and try to be positive.

We did two radio interviews (click to listen):

KHJ AM Newstalk1380 Phil St. George 13:47
A lot of fun, wait for Ruth

KFI AM 640 Bill Handel 06:30

For entertainment purposes only. The Layman's Guide to Suicide was in print from July 1995-2003. Paperback: 64 pages ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.18 x 8.42 x 5.38; ISBN: 0873648633; Still listed at Amazon.com. The concept is to make 'doing suicide right' seem so ridiculous that anyone predisposed will be laughing too hard to actually do it - which is our hope. The reader agrees not to hold the authors or anyone related to the authors in any way whatsoever liable or responsible in any way whatsoever for the use or misuse of any information presented herein or for the existence of this book online or in any other media. For publishing and other information please contact us. 1995-2005 All rights reserved.