The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need (unless you skim).

A humorous online book. For entertainment purposes only. Chapters Cover 1. Nothing is Worse... 2. This Book Belonged To... 3. Preface 4. Introduction 5. Getting Started 6. What are you going for? 7. People and things to die for. 8. Where You Go When You Go? 8a. Hell (and what to expect) 8b. Heaven (and what to expect) 8c. Reincarnation (downside) 9. Etiquette 10. Rules of Etiquette 11. Fun 'Event' Invitations 12. Financing upgraded Services 13. Fashion (related to technique) 14. Fashion Accessories 15. Fashion Faux Pas 16. Make-Up Tips (male/female) 17. Dictating Guest & Theme Attire 18. Suicide Notes & Writing Tips 19. Suicide Note (Fill-in-the blanks) 20. Your Epitaph (Eye Catchers) 21. Will Power (yours) 22. Last Will & Testament 23. Will - Fun Stuff to Bequeath 24. Will - Creative Stipulations 25. Things you should have done 26. Your Eulogy 27. Ratings Guide to Techniques 28. Techniques (Advanced) 28a. Techniques Ratings Guide 28b. Taking the Train 28c. It's Auto-matic! 28d. Cooking with Gas 28e. Speed Kills 28f. Lightning (powerful stuff) 29. Quickies For The Poor 29a. Jay Walking 29b. For the Mountain Bike Enthusiast 29c. Freeway Skateboarding 29d. No car but have a motorcycle? 29e. Razor Blades (with practice blade) 29f. Sportsman's Special 29g. Cooking for Pacemaker Patients 29h. Dry Land Cliff Diving 29i. Jumping for Joy (and others) 29j. Going with the Wind 30. Making Your Arrangements 30a. A Wake (or Not) 30b. Location, Location, Location! 30c. Grave Marker, Head Stone, Tomb? 30d. The Ride to the Cemetery 30e. Grave Site Decorations & Souvenirs 30f. Plot Music, Audio, Special Effects 31. If You Fail... 32. The Obituary (yours) 33. Terminology 34. Taking others with you 35. Parting words to live by 36. The Sequel	People and things to die for. Circle all that apply (but DO NOT check all and then go out and load the gun).
	LOVER PROBLEMS Unfaithful Lousy Possessed Unavailable PET PROBLEMS Unfaithful Lousy Possessed Carpet (damp) CHILDREN PROBLEMS Lousy Possessed Illegitimate Screaming BREAKDOWNS Societal Nervous Automobile Mental Physical NO PROBLEMS No life No money No girlfriend/boyfriend No marketable skill No hope No A/C No T.V. No IQ No T.P. THREE-LETTERED DUI PMS IRS REM HRS PDF DEA TWO-LETTERED B.O. VD BS ID (fake, discovered) VARIOUS COLLAPSES Financial Physical Lung (left or right) House or Building Bridge Level (above you) Dam Stock Market Highway	PHYSICAL PROBLEMS Chronic cellulite Acne Boils Brain Hangnails Hemorrhoids Warts (including hairy) Incontinence (khakis) Ingrown toenails Indigestion Constipation Diarrhea (in public) Broken nail(s) Gas (internal) Gas (external) Pink eye Red eye Lip blisters Breasts too large Breasts too small No breasts Underweight/Overweight Overweight (next seat) Homely Smelly (general/specific) MISCELLANEOUS Pressed meat products Tight shoes Toilet overflow Jail sentence (and the inmates like you) Jail sentence ( and the inmates don't) Employment Unemployment Filthy public restrooms Spam (email or canned) PEOPLE Parent(s) Friends (or lack of) Neighbor(s) Teacher(s) Student(s) Attorney(s) Boss (or supervisor) Car Salesmen Dentist Employees (one or all) Neighbors (one or all) Stockbroker Yacht broker Entire Brokerage House Committee (any) Parole officer Collections Agent Bail Bondsman	IN-LAW PROBLEMS Visiting Moving in Never leave BAD PROBLEMS Bad clams Bad dates PHOBIAS AND FEARS Acrophobia Claustrophobia Hydrophobia Agoraphobia SITUATIONS/CONDITIONS Marriage/Divorce Blind date (is your sister or brother) Blind date (is aunt, uncle, grandparent) Alimony Child Support Bankruptcy Recession Depression Failed exam Failed in life Celibacy (involuntary) Traffic jam LOST THINGS Tan Mind Job Keys Remote Feeling (any extremity) Love YUCKY THINGS Spiders Snakes Vermin Worms Certain people Diapers (full) Boogers (under counters) LEAKY THINGS Pens Ceiling Diaper Faucet Tire(s) Radiator Depends
	If none of the above apply, or you have more, WRITE IN below: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Use another piece of paper if necessary. Print this form and move on to the next page Where You Go When You Go?