A humorous online book.
For entertainment purposes only.


1.   Nothing is Worse...
2.   This Book Belonged To...
3.   Preface
4.   Introduction
5.   Getting Started
6.   What are you going for?
7.   People and things to die for.
8.   Where You Go When You Go?
8a. Hell (and what to expect)
8b. Heaven (and what to expect)
8c. Reincarnation (downside)

9.   Etiquette
10. Rules of Etiquette
11. Fun 'Event' Invitations
12. Financing upgraded Services
13. Fashion (related to technique)
14. Fashion Accessories
15. Fashion Faux Pas
16. Make-Up Tips (male/female)
17. Dictating Guest & Theme Attire
18. Suicide Notes & Writing Tips
19. Suicide Note (Fill-in-the blanks)
20. Your Epitaph (Eye Catchers)
21. Will Power (yours)
22. Last Will & Testament
23. Will - Fun Stuff to Bequeath
24. Will - Creative Stipulations
25. Things you should have done
26. Your Eulogy
27. Ratings Guide to Techniques
28. Techniques (Advanced)
28a. Techniques Ratings Guide
28b. Taking the Train
28c. It's Auto-matic!
28d. Cooking with Gas
28e. Speed Kills
28f. Lightning (powerful stuff)

29. Quickies For The Poor
29a. Jay Walking
29b. For the Mountain Bike Enthusiast
29c. Freeway Skateboarding
29d. No car but have a motorcycle?
29e. Razor Blades (with practice blade)
29f. Sportsman's Special
29g. Cooking for Pacemaker Patients
29h. Dry Land Cliff Diving
29i. Jumping for Joy (and others)
29j. Going with the Wind

30. Making Your Arrangements
30a. A Wake (or Not)
30b. Location, Location, Location!
30c. Grave Marker, Head Stone, Tomb?
30d. The Ride to the Cemetery
30e. Grave Site Decorations & Souvenirs
30f.  Plot Music, Audio, Special Effects

31. If You Fail...
32. The Obituary (yours)
33. Terminology
34. Taking others with you
35. Parting words to live by
36. The Sequel


This is the self-help book to end the need for all others (with any luck).

If you have failed time after time, and have been plagued with relentless misfortune, or you are one of the wannabees of the world that never became... this book is for you. The do-it-yourselfer's guide to the unthinkable... a must-read for anyone contemplating the act.

All too often, people rush into suicide without giving any thought to the arrangements they should have made.

The Layman's Guide to Suicide eliminates all the guesswork.

From the old standards to the more creative, contemporary, and trendsetting,
this is the complete guide and handbook to doing it... once and for all.

This handy do-it-yourselfer's guide provides valuable tips and insights on what to wear, how to plan it, how to do it, how to let others know you did it, and how to let others know they are to blame... plus media coverage if desired.

The Layman's Guide to Suicide is loaded with tried and true, sure-fire techniques to insure success, including step-by-step instructions and easy to understand text.

The information in this book is presented in a simple, straightforward manner, enabling even the most confused and distraught to follow along with ease.

No matter what state youčre in, you'll find this book absolutely indispensable when making your final plans - and when weighing risk vs reward.

Next, read the Introduction

For entertainment purposes only. The Layman's Guide to Suicide was in print from July 1995-2003. Paperback: 64 pages ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.18 x 8.42 x 5.38; ISBN: 0873648633; Still listed at Amazon.com. The concept is to make 'doing suicide right' seem so ridiculous that anyone predisposed will be laughing too hard to actually do it - which is our hope. The reader agrees not to hold the authors or anyone related to the authors in any way whatsoever liable or responsible in any way whatsoever for the use or misuse of any information presented herein or for the existence of this book online or in any other media. For publishing and other information please contact us. © See copyright notice.