A humorous online book.
For entertainment purposes only.

Chapters

Cover
1.   Nothing is Worse...
2.   This Book Belonged To...
3.   Preface
4.   Introduction
5.   Getting Started
6.   What are you going for?
7.   People and things to die for.
8.   Where You Go When You Go?
8a. Hell (and what to expect)
8b. Heaven (and what to expect)
8c. Reincarnation (downside)

9.   Etiquette
10. Rules of Etiquette
11. Fun 'Event' Invitations
12. Financing upgraded Services
13. Fashion (related to technique)
14. Fashion Accessories
15. Fashion Faux Pas
16. Make-Up Tips (male/female)
17. Dictating Guest & Theme Attire
18. Suicide Notes & Writing Tips
19. Suicide Note (Fill-in-the blanks)
20. Your Epitaph (Eye Catchers)
21. Will Power (yours)
22. Last Will & Testament
23. Will - Fun Stuff to Bequeath
24. Will - Creative Stipulations
25. Things you should have done
26. Your Eulogy
27. Ratings Guide to Techniques
28. Techniques (Advanced)
28a. Techniques Ratings Guide
28b. Taking the Train
28c. It's Auto-matic!
28d. Cooking with Gas
28e. Speed Kills
28f. Lightning (powerful stuff)

29. Quickies For The Poor
29a. Jay Walking
29b. For the Mountain Bike Enthusiast
29c. Freeway Skateboarding
29d. No car but have a motorcycle?
29e. Razor Blades (with practice blade)
29f. Sportsman's Special
29g. Cooking for Pacemaker Patients
29h. Dry Land Cliff Diving
29i. Jumping for Joy (and others)
29j. Going with the Wind

30. Making Your Arrangements
30a. A Wake (or Not)
30b. Location, Location, Location!
30c. Grave Marker, Head Stone, Tomb?
30d. The Ride to the Cemetery
30e. Grave Site Decorations & Souvenirs
30f.  Plot Music, Audio, Special Effects

31. If You Fail...
32. The Obituary (yours)
33. Terminology
34. Taking others with you
35. Parting words to live by
36. The Sequel

Cooking with clean burning natural gas

People have been sticking their heads in ovens ever since the advent of natural gas. Although the fumes alone can kill, if you've got gas (propane or natiral) and can strike a match, you've got the winning combination!

Even if you don't cook, you will.

To get started, shut, tape, and seal all the windows and doors in your kitchen.

Preheat your oven as you would to broil a steak, but snuff out the pilot light and leave the door open.

And don't forget to turn on all stove burners to high.

FOR SAFETY MAKE SURE NO OPEN FLAMES ARE PRESENT.

Leave the kitchen, tell your neighbors that there's a gas leak and they should evacuate the area.

Wait 30 minutes (to allow them to gather their belongings), and then return.

Pull up a stool and, wearing goggles, a swim mask, or dark glasses (to avoid eye injury), peer directly into the oven. Then, without hesitation, pull out your favorite matchbook and strike.

TIP—Don't breathe, the fumes can be hazardous. Take good care in your choice of wardrobe and be especially aware of flammable fabrics like some polyester blends. Questions on attire? See Fashion (related to technique).

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WARNING:
READERS ARE STRONGLY URGED NOT TO TRY ANY OF THE TECHNIQUES PRESENTED HEREIN. THEY CAN RESULT IN DEATH, OR WORSE YET, SEVERE BODILY INJURY.

For entertainment purposes only. The Layman's Guide to Suicide was in print from July 1995-2003. Paperback: 64 pages ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.18 x 8.42 x 5.38; ISBN: 0873648633; Still listed at Amazon.com. The concept is to make 'doing suicide right' seem so ridiculous that anyone predisposed will be laughing too hard to actually do it - which is our hope. The reader agrees not to hold the authors or anyone related to the authors in any way whatsoever liable or responsible in any way whatsoever for the use or misuse of any information presented herein or for the existence of this book online or in any other media. For publishing and other information please contact us. See copyright notice.