humorous online book.
Use the rest room (so you won't have to go later), fuel up with high octane LEADED fuel (a half tank will do if you're budgeting).
In the store, pick and pack some essentials that will make your trip more comfortable...snacks, your favorite music, pets (to stay awake).
Also, grab a pair of handcuffs (sold at most convenience stores next to the lighters by the cashier).
On the way back to the garage, pick up a good length of ordinary clothes dryer
exhaust hose at any hardware store - plus a very small roll of duct tape.
If using your own, clean out any lint. Lint contains allergens, plus lint can be flammable. Clothes dryers require venting, so leave a note if others may use that dryer later. Yes, you may also vent in the note, killing two birds, one stone.
OK, stay calm. Don't stir up the neighbors with your antics. Pull car in, shut garage door.
Run the dryer hose from your exhaust to the interior of your vehicle - being sure to duct tape the exhaust tightly so even heavy acceleration won't effect it.
Slip the other end of the hose through the sunroof (if available) or any window. Roll up. If crack remains, fill in with duct tape and old fast food bags (see back floor of car). Goal is tight seal.
No need to buckle your seat belt. Roll up your windows (no cracks please - except window with dryer hose that you have sealed).
Next, open snacks partway, then handcuff yourself to the steering wheel.
Toss keys as far away as you can (not the key to the car, the keys to the
OK. Fire up that big block V8 (if available)!
Set the air conditioner to recirculate (not 'fresh'). Choose FULL fan.
You control the gas (both kinds). Accelerate and so will the process,
With your free hand (the one not cuffed), grab your snacks. Bet you're
glad you open them partway now! No last-minute fighting with the packaging!
TIP - Carports and open fields may take longer.
See next Advanced
|For entertainment purposes only. The Layman's Guide to Suicide was in print from July 1995-2003. Paperback: 64 pages ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.18 x 8.42 x 5.38; ISBN: 0873648633; Still listed at Amazon.com. The concept is to make 'doing suicide right' seem so ridiculous that anyone predisposed will be laughing too hard to actually do it - which is our hope. The reader agrees not to hold the authors or anyone related to the authors in any way whatsoever liable or responsible in any way whatsoever for the use or misuse of any information presented herein or for the existence of this book online or in any other media. For publishing and other information please contact us. © See copyright notice.|