A humorous online book.
For entertainment purposes only.

Chapters

Cover
1.   Nothing is Worse...
2.   This Book Belonged To...
3.   Preface
4.   Introduction
5.   Getting Started
6.   What are you going for?
7.   People and things to die for.
8.   Where You Go When You Go?
8a. Hell (and what to expect)
8b. Heaven (and what to expect)
8c. Reincarnation (downside)

9.   Etiquette
10. Rules of Etiquette
11. Fun 'Event' Invitations
12. Financing upgraded Services
13. Fashion (related to technique)
14. Fashion Accessories
15. Fashion Faux Pas
16. Make-Up Tips (male/female)
17. Dictating Guest & Theme Attire
18. Suicide Notes & Writing Tips
19. Suicide Note (Fill-in-the blanks)
20. Your Epitaph (Eye Catchers)
21. Will Power (yours)
22. Last Will & Testament
23. Will - Fun Stuff to Bequeath
24. Will - Creative Stipulations
25. Things you should have done
26. Your Eulogy
27. Ratings Guide to Techniques
28. Techniques (Advanced)
28a. Techniques Ratings Guide
28b. Taking the Train
28c. It's Auto-matic!
28d. Cooking with Gas
28e. Speed Kills
28f. Lightning (powerful stuff)

29. Quickies For The Poor
29a. Jay Walking
29b. For the Mountain Bike Enthusiast
29c. Freeway Skateboarding
29d. No car but have a motorcycle?
29e. Razor Blades (with practice blade)
29f. Sportsman's Special
29g. Cooking for Pacemaker Patients
29h. Dry Land Cliff Diving
29i. Jumping for Joy (and others)
29j. Going with the Wind

30. Making Your Arrangements
30a. A Wake (or Not)
30b. Location, Location, Location!
30c. Grave Marker, Head Stone, Tomb?
30d. The Ride to the Cemetery
30e. Grave Site Decorations & Souvenirs
30f.  Plot Music, Audio, Special Effects

31. If You Fail...
32. The Obituary (yours)
33. Terminology
34. Taking others with you
35. Parting words to live by
36. The Sequel

Dictating Guest and Theme Attire

You now may have decided on your wardrobe, but what about your guests?

You'll be amazed at how you can get guests to dress up, and it's so much more fun when you decide on the dress code! Basic black is traditional (b-o-r-i-n-g), but why rule out black tie? Or period clothing? Or costumes? What's to stop you now?

Everyone likes to dress up, and if you dictate the dress code, especially under these circumstances, you can almost bet they'll do just as told!

Wouldn't it be fun to see your aunt in a clown suit? Everyone in clown suits? Or everyone in cocktail dresses and tuxedos?

Theme parties make clothing selection fun and easy!

With theme parties, the sky's the limit!

The outfits can be outrageous (plus greatly increase your chances of national - possibly international - media coverage).

For your services, what about a Pajama Party, Island Party, Toga Party, Cowboys and Indians, or Masquerade? Whatever you do, be imaginative! How about Cops and Coroners?

If you drop enough cash on the services, you can get the entire funeral home staff in on the act. Some larger costume companies will deliver all the outfits right to your site, so guests can dress up right there!

Need more ideas? OK, how about everyone in hospital garb, fireman hats, rescue uniforms, or dressed as Hari Krishna's?

No matter what, THINK FUN, be creative, and get everyone involved!

Even though the Press may be snapping away (if they show, which they may), they're usually stingy with the reprints, and tough to get in touch with.

Since most attendees at these affairs forget their cameras, you might hire a photographer of your own to recoup some of the costume costs by selling prints to guests!

See how much fun this can be?

It's time to write. See Suicide Notes & Writing Tips


For entertainment purposes only. The Layman's Guide to Suicide was in print from July 1995-2003. Paperback: 64 pages ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.18 x 8.42 x 5.38; ISBN: 0873648633; Still listed at Amazon.com. The concept is to make 'doing suicide right' seem so ridiculous that anyone predisposed will be laughing too hard to actually do it - which is our hope. The reader agrees not to hold the authors or anyone related to the authors in any way whatsoever liable or responsible in any way whatsoever for the use or misuse of any information presented herein or for the existence of this book online or in any other media. For publishing and other information please contact us. See copyright notice.