A humorous online book.
For entertainment purposes only.


1.   Nothing is Worse...
2.   This Book Belonged To...
3.   Preface
4.   Introduction
5.   Getting Started
6.   What are you going for?
7.   People and things to die for.
8.   Where You Go When You Go?
8a. Hell (and what to expect)
8b. Heaven (and what to expect)
8c. Reincarnation (downside)

9.   Etiquette
10. Rules of Etiquette
11. Fun 'Event' Invitations
12. Financing upgraded Services
13. Fashion (related to technique)
14. Fashion Accessories
15. Fashion Faux Pas
16. Make-Up Tips (male/female)
17. Dictating Guest & Theme Attire
18. Suicide Notes & Writing Tips
19. Suicide Note (Fill-in-the blanks)
20. Your Epitaph (Eye Catchers)
21. Will Power (yours)
22. Last Will & Testament
23. Will - Fun Stuff to Bequeath
24. Will - Creative Stipulations
25. Things you should have done
26. Your Eulogy
27. Ratings Guide to Techniques
28. Techniques (Advanced)
28a. Techniques Ratings Guide
28b. Taking the Train
28c. It's Auto-matic!
28d. Cooking with Gas
28e. Speed Kills
28f. Lightning (powerful stuff)

29. Quickies For The Poor
29a. Jay Walking
29b. For the Mountain Bike Enthusiast
29c. Freeway Skateboarding
29d. No car but have a motorcycle?
29e. Razor Blades (with practice blade)
29f. Sportsman's Special
29g. Cooking for Pacemaker Patients
29h. Dry Land Cliff Diving
29i. Jumping for Joy (and others)
29j. Going with the Wind

30. Making Your Arrangements
30a. A Wake (or Not)
30b. Location, Location, Location!
30c. Grave Marker, Head Stone, Tomb?
30d. The Ride to the Cemetery
30e. Grave Site Decorations & Souvenirs
30f.  Plot Music, Audio, Special Effects

31. If You Fail...
32. The Obituary (yours)
33. Terminology
34. Taking others with you
35. Parting words to live by
36. The Sequel

MakeUp Tips and Tricks for those on the go.

A little makeup can go a long way - and will need to. Even if you normally go light on the rouge, now's the time to layer a bit more, and use foundation.

Visit a cosmetic counter and you'll find endless possibilities. Looking your very best is challenging though do-able - and tips from makeup artists may help.

Male or female, you'll be photographed (maybe even videotaped) under very bright lights - some by the authorities, and others by news crews (if you're in the right place, at the right time).

In  most cases, photos will be taken under direct floodlight, or with flash, so for contrast, use warm reds. The 'night sun' of the police helicopter (if available) casts a very harsh, bluish light, which can make you look deadly.

Your final choice of make-up (and how much of your body you apply it to) has everything to do with the anticipated lighting conditions (often dawn to dusk and throughout the night), and the anticipated condition of your remains.

The tricky part is doing your make-up for sunlight and floodlight and the various conditions of your various parts (which may be different colors after).

Concentrate on those parts that will most likely remain 'as they were' and try your best to guess the degree of compensation required for those that will not.

Some foundation may not fully cover. Permanent make-up may not perform as expected but is a good start. Certain press-on nails may break. Also, some types of hairspray can be extremely flammable so use with caution.

Next, what about Dictating Guest & Theme Attire?


For entertainment purposes only. The Layman's Guide to Suicide was in print from July 1995-2003. Paperback: 64 pages ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.18 x 8.42 x 5.38; ISBN: 0873648633; Still listed at Amazon.com. The concept is to make 'doing suicide right' seem so ridiculous that anyone predisposed will be laughing too hard to actually do it - which is our hope. The reader agrees not to hold the authors or anyone related to the authors in any way whatsoever liable or responsible in any way whatsoever for the use or misuse of any information presented herein or for the existence of this book online or in any other media. For publishing and other information please contact us. See copyright notice.