A humorous online book.
For entertainment purposes only.

Chapters

Cover
1.   Nothing is Worse...
2.   This Book Belonged To...
3.   Preface
4.   Introduction
5.   Getting Started
6.   What are you going for?
7.   People and things to die for.
8.   Where You Go When You Go?
8a. Hell (and what to expect)
8b. Heaven (and what to expect)
8c. Reincarnation (downside)

9.   Etiquette
10. Rules of Etiquette
11. Fun 'Event' Invitations
12. Financing upgraded Services
13. Fashion (related to technique)
14. Fashion Accessories
15. Fashion Faux Pas
16. Make-Up Tips (male/female)
17. Dictating Guest & Theme Attire
18. Suicide Notes & Writing Tips
19. Suicide Note (Fill-in-the blanks)
20. Your Epitaph (Eye Catchers)
21. Will Power (yours)
22. Last Will & Testament
23. Will - Fun Stuff to Bequeath
24. Will - Creative Stipulations
25. Things you should have done
26. Your Eulogy
27. Ratings Guide to Techniques
28. Techniques (Advanced)
28a. Techniques Ratings Guide
28b. Taking the Train
28c. It's Auto-matic!
28d. Cooking with Gas
28e. Speed Kills
28f. Lightning (powerful stuff)

29. Quickies For The Poor
29a. Jay Walking
29b. For the Mountain Bike Enthusiast
29c. Freeway Skateboarding
29d. No car but have a motorcycle?
29e. Razor Blades (with practice blade)
29f. Sportsman's Special
29g. Cooking for Pacemaker Patients
29h. Dry Land Cliff Diving
29i. Jumping for Joy (and others)
29j. Going with the Wind

30. Making Your Arrangements
30a. A Wake (or Not)
30b. Location, Location, Location!
30c. Grave Marker, Head Stone, Tomb?
30d. The Ride to the Cemetery
30e. Grave Site Decorations & Souvenirs
30f.  Plot Music, Audio, Special Effects

31. If You Fail...
32. The Obituary (yours)
33. Terminology
34. Taking others with you
35. Parting words to live by
36. The Sequel

Fashion Accessories

Accessorize, Accessorize, Accessorize!

Clothing may help keep you together (depending on technique), and make you look fantastic (also depending on technique), but it's the accessories that really make the outfit work (in most cases).

For instance, say your technique involves some form of electrocution - finger in the socket, hair dryer in the tub, lightning. Whatever, as long as it's AC and rich in amps, by all means cover yourself in fashionable (and functional) gold, silver, or even platinum. Wear all your rings and necklaces (even if they clash). Copper chains and bracelets are even better, and can easily be coordinated with any sort of metallic clothing.

If your method involves gas (natural or propane), dog tags are outstanding (and are the only sensible choice for identification). Going by train? For women, a small overnighter with your wallet and a few non-perishables (for snacking while waiting) says travel all over it and works fine (i.e. will most likely be found somewhere near the rest of you) especially if securely wired to your arm or leg. For men going by train, a pocket watch is not only appropriate but will make sure you're on time! If you'll be stepping out in traffic, avoid all flashy jewelry that will get caught in the headlights (and try to keep your eyes closed). If you'll be slashing your wrists, no bracelets and try to keep one arm free at all times.

Novelty accessories can liven up the scene... like crime scene tape (available at most police supply stores), chalk (to outline your body), red paint (to add drama to crime scene photos and confound the rescue squad), even flares (but be careful since flares can result in severe burns if not handled properly).

Let's learn a bit about what not to wear in Fashion Faux Pas.




For entertainment purposes only. The Layman's Guide to Suicide was in print from July 1995-2003. Paperback: 64 pages ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.18 x 8.42 x 5.38; ISBN: 0873648633; Still listed at Amazon.com. The concept is to make 'doing suicide right' seem so ridiculous that anyone predisposed will be laughing too hard to actually do it - which is our hope. The reader agrees not to hold the authors or anyone related to the authors in any way whatsoever liable or responsible in any way whatsoever for the use or misuse of any information presented herein or for the existence of this book online or in any other media. For publishing and other information please contact us. See copyright notice.